What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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