Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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