I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
