but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
