Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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