maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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