Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
