He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
