...so i touched it.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
