You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
