Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize