I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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