I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
my liver is dry heaving
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
