What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
