you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my shit smells like andre
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
