I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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