dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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