what day is it and did you see me today?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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