just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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