okay pat passed out under dana's car
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
