ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
