we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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