i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
