Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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