You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
