saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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