do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
