dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
