And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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