Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
