You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
