Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
