Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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