well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
