The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
