i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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