Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize