dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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