i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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