The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
where are you?
Hypothermia
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
