I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
