you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
