I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
