She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize