You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
