I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
