he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize