let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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