Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
