He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize