Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
