Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
