sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
