I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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