You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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