I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
