He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
