My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
