She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
