I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
