Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
