I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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