Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
