Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
