Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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