Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
