I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
