there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
